OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
