True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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