***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
