I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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