our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize