Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
