True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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