All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
