you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
