He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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