I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
