I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
