Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
