My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
