FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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