Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
