I accidentally burped into my bong.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my liver is dry heaving
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
