im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
