there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
