That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
