so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
