So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
