Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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