Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize