At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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