I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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