I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is classic penis vs brain.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
