I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize