my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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