Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
