Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
