I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
