ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
