Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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