They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
