I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
