Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
