I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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