there's paper in my vomit.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
