a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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