i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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