I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
