Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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