I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
