you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize