I hate all girls vehemently.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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