not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
