it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
