She is in my trunk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Someone came in the potted fern
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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