I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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