Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
