READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize