Duck Duck Cougar?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize