After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
