It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm at about main and main street
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
