i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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