Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
