You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
