Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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