Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
