My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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