Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
