He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
