dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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