420 ftw
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
