areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
