I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize