mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Vodka?
Forever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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