You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
