Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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