What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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