I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize