I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
