Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
