The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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