Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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