New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
